Why Hippos Are Worse Than Any Carnivore

Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/c/CreatureChallenge You wanna know the real truth about Hippos? You wanna see a biologist rant about how cool hippos are and give you the honest truth? Watch to the end to find out everything you need to know about hippos! Basic hippo info: Hippos live in the waterways of Sub-Saharan Africa, and have one of the meanest attitudes on the planet. They are generally regarded as the third largest land animal on Earth, weighing between 3-4 tons on average. But, perhaps, we need to start with the obvious crime scene to diagnose the hippo: Its physique. Because I trust our collective intelligence that the hippo did not get that mouth from eating plants. Oh, no. It got it because other hippos exist. And that is the first thing you need to understand about this animal. A hippo is not designed to survive lions. Lions are just a minor inconvenience. A hippo’s worst enemy is usually another wet, angry, overbuilt barrel of bad decisions and even worse social skills. Yeah, they don’t mind greeting each other, or anything really that’s not an elephant, with a bite that can casually crush a lion’s skull. So, to keep these psychopaths from dying of infection every time they rip a chunk out of their neighbor, you know what nature gave them? An active regeneration buff and a mandatory skin-care routine. You’ve probably heard the myth that hippos sweat blood. No, they don't sweat blood. In fact, they don’t have functional sweat glands at all. If they stay out of the river too long, their skin dries out and cracks like a cheap leather couch. So what is that terrifying red ooze you see covering their bodies? It’s a highly unstable, red-orange fluid made of two pigments: hipposudoric and norhipposudoric acid. And yes, some sadist in a lab coat got paid to make up those words. But this slime is a biological masterpiece. It acts as a built-in, water-resistant sunscreen to stop their hairless bodies from turning into pork rinds in the African sun, and functions as a broad-spectrum antibiotic. So, evolution literally gave them natural trauma gel so they can continue being awful to each other without catching gangrene. And that’s why everything about this animal feels excessive. Nature gave it permission to be a bully. You know, apart from that massive skull that can fit you and an emotional support watermelon, the hippo is wrapped in 2-inch-thick skin that can survive gun bullets. Which, really makes you question why it looks like a beanbag chair. Let me guess, you look at the hippo and think they’re fat. Oh no, no no, They actually have a surprisingly low body fat percentage for something shaped like a propane tank. They are honestly more shredded than the average human. I bet you didn’t know that, I also bet that hippos can get air time. I mean, to be fair, humanity didn’t really know about it until a few years ago. A study led by Professor John Hutchinson just completely shattered our understanding of giant land animal mechanics. They analyzed the biomechanics of hippos and proved that despite weighing two tons, when they run full speed, they almost exclusively trot. And here’s the symptom that should make your blood run cold: when they trot, hippos actually become airborne for up to 15% of their stride cycle. That’s about 0.3 seconds where all four feet of this absolute unit are entirely off the ground. All of that power is backed up by an animal with one of the worst attitude problems on Earth. Which brings us to this very important question: Why the hell are hippos always angry? Well, it's a neuroendocrine defect. Remember how they need that water to literally not cook alive? When their water space becomes too crowded, it triggers a massive stress response. Their cortisol levels skyrocket. Now, in a normal, rational mammal, chronic stress suppresses testosterone. But bull hippos? Their endocrine system is effectively broken. They maintain lethal, maxed-out levels of testosterone despite the massive cortisol stress spike. You are looking at a cocktail of chronic physiological panic mixed with maximum reproductive rage. And they don't have the hardware to filter it. Us humans are very fortunate to have a highly developed prefrontal cortex to tell your limbic system; a hippo lacks that robust inhibitory circuitry. So, a minor annoyance bypasses all logic and goes straight to the brainstem's defensive rage center. And to top that off with the fact that their eyesight is absolute garbage, and they take zero chances. If it moves, it’s a threat, and they bite it. Tags: hippos, animals, wildlife, hippopotamus, hippo vs lion, lions hunting hippos, nature, hippo fight, animal, hippo vs crocodile