Why Does This Werewolf Think I'm His Mate?! | Funny D&D Song

A funny D&D song about a werewolf, a fated mate, and one human who wants to appeal to the moon. "I'm Not Your Mate" is werewolf romance with plausible deniability. Sleeping on his chest? That's just basic science. He saved her from monsters. He called her his mate. She has objections, a growing collection of his shirts, and absolutely no explanation for the wedding wine. This fantasy comedy song puts the fated mates trope on trial, with a stubborn human, a surprisingly patient alpha werewolf, and a pack that won't stop laughing. Beneath the excuses is a romance about choosing someone for yourself—even when destiny is being unbearably smug. For Dungeons & Dragons and tabletop RPG fans who love chaotic character songs, bardcore humor, and a party that never lets an accidental romance go. Romantasy and monster romance fans: pull up a chair at the tavern. Would your character accept the bond or file an appeal? More romantic denial: I Didn't Seduce the Dragon https://youtu.be/UYTxL3aEy0E 🎶🍺 *Welcome to Twisted Tavern Tunes* 🍺🎶 Grab a drink, roll initiative, and sing along with the chaos New bardcore D&D fantasy tavern music drops every Tuesday & Friday — subscribe and hit the bell so you never miss a song! If you enjoyed it, tip your bard with a like and a comment 💖 Love, Seraphine 🕯️🎻 📌 Discord: https://discord.gg/6pcdyyJvVc ⚔️ Patreon: https://patreon.com/TwistedTavernTunes 🎵 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2oeR8UjxBBQUuAyQnMXtKO?si=fqEt7urRTJK90dGVk1lEmg&nd=1&dlsi=85135d0c470f466d 🎵*Lyrics*🎵 I crossed one little border line Ignored one little warning sign Got chased by monsters through the pines Then he arrived in perfect time All teeth and claws he joined the fray Then sniffed my neck and said My mate I told him humans get a say The moon can kindly stay away He growled one word that sounded mine I quoted law He seemed just fine Now every wolf is drinking wine And every smirk is aimed at mine If fate thinks this is settled well I’d like to formally appeal I’m not your mate Tell the moon I want to appeal I don’t care what you smelled I don’t care what you feel You don’t get to sniff my neck And call the whole thing sealed I’m not your mate That is hardly a done deal Stop laughing in the corner This is perfectly sincere And whoever brought the wedding wine Get that bottle out of here His cloak is only warm at night His shirts just happen to fit right I sleep against his chest because A wolf runs warm That’s basic science Those blankets piled beside my bed Are not a nest despite what’s said His scent just helps me get some rest That doesn’t mean I’m his At best we’re very close Platonically He sleeps outside my door each night And growls at any man in sight I feed him Scratch his ears So what? We’re friends That’s all Now kindly shut up They mentioned rut I spilled my wine Asked why his scent was mixed with mine Someone said he’d soon be tied I said Then knot him up outside I meant rope I’m not your mate Tell the moon I want to appeal I don’t care that his scent Makes every bad day heal Yes he calls me his Yes I sleep beneath his chin Yes I threatened someone once For laying hands on him That came out wrong I’m not your mate My argument remains Ignore the growl that slips out When somebody says his name He could command a hundred wolves Could make them bend to ancient rules Could call the bond his ancient right And claim that fate had won the fight But he waits outside my doorway Till I ask him in at night Never puts his teeth to skin Never claims that he must win The terrifying bastard stays And lets me choose him anyway So maybe I don’t hate the brute Maybe he’s annoyingly cute Maybe fate got one thing right The moon still gets no credit Then one night he kissed me slow I caught his hair and pulled him near He made that low possessive growl Right underneath my ear I kissed him once I kissed him twice And then I bit him Nobody say a word That doesn't count Tell the moon I still appeal It was instinct it was passion Nothing here has just been sealed Stop howling Stop cheering There is nothing here to see Biting him back does not mean We are legally a Wait No I’m not your mate That remains my final case Would you wipe that smug expression Off your stupid Alpha face I’m not your mate Move over Your side is warmer Stop laughing I can explain Credits: Lyrics: Seraphine & Caden Ashford Composition: Draft created with SUNO. DAW editing by Seraphine Visuals: Created by Seraphine using ShotCut #DnD #WerewolfSong #FantasyComedy 🛍️ Shop Twisted Tavern Tunes merch: https://twistedtaverntunes.com/collections/all